Showing Up Isn't Being Present

Part 1 of 4

It's Omar. I recently finished a 10-day silent meditation retreat. 100 hours. 10 hours of meditation per day for 10 days. On the final morning, as I was packing my bags, an issue that had come up again during my meditation surfaced. It was about family.

...THEN MY SON SAID THIS...

A few weeks earlier, in a family chat, I mentioned how lucky I was to always be there for my kids' events, sports comps, etc., thinking I would get a "Dad of the Year" response. That was very quickly smacked down. "I remember you always working," my son said. I was like, "You're jokin'." But he wasn't. My daughter confirmed it: "Well, you were there, but you were always on your phone."

THE VERSION OF ME I DIDN'T SEE

Shocked, hurt, and confused, I listened as my kids half-joked—with a little bit of edge—while describing someone I didn't recognize: always at events but on my phone; driving them to rehearsals and shows but unable to talk because I had to take a call; drop-offs for school trips while checking email; family holidays with my laptop. My daughter was my best buddy when she was little. She went everywhere with me. But everywhere I went was work.

THE LIE I BOUGHT INTO

I fully bought into the LIE that I was being productive and living the wireless dream, and honestly, it was way better than working in an office or restaurant. But I knew, deep inside, that it wasn't right. It took a while before I REALLY understood: showing up ≠ being present.

I WAS TEACHING WHAT I WASN'T LIVING

The thing is, for the last few years I've been talking about this. But there I was, learning my own lesson. I knew all of this back in 2010. I just forgot to apply it all to my own life. As you know, it's often easier to tell someone else what to do than to do it yourself.

2010: THE PHONE CALL THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING

Back then, deep down, I already knew my life was out of balance, even though I had already made dramatic changes. The ah-ha moment came during the UK Hip Hop Dance Championship in 2010. I called a colleague because she had some questions about hiring a judge for her event. Halfway through the call, she said, "Where are you? That music is pretty loud." I confessed I was in the middle of the Hip Hop Championship. She was shocked. When she was doing her event, she barely had time to breathe, much less take a phone call. "Don't you have anything better to do?" she asked, half-joking, half-serious. "Well, you know... it's all being handled," I said. And it was.

For that event, I had a good team with clear roles and responsibilities and a communications plan to keep everything running smoothly, leaving me free to take a call. To be fair, I didn't realize I had created a "system" until my key person left and a bunch of stuff started falling apart. That's when I learned the difference between accidentally building something that works and intentionally building something that lasts.

More on that in the next email. In the meantime, please comment and share your thoughts if any of this resonated with you.

Be well,
Omar

P.S. What's the one thing about running your studio that's stealing your time with family? Reply and tell me – I read every response.